Monday’s Musings : I Can’t Do EVERYTHING

I was raised in a time of shifting ideology in this country. Traditional gender roles and second wave Feminism clashed in the media and stereotypes clashed around me as the child of a single mother in a male dominated industry. A male teacher told my mother he was shocked at how “well adjusted” I am considering I was from a “broken home”. Mom’s reply “children are only broken if you tell them they are broken”. Feel free to use that line.

I was fortunate enough to have my Papa. As a ninth generation Florida Cracker Native he believed a woman can do anything, but that doesn’t mean women should do everything. My grandmother and mom worked the fields alongside him. My grandmother was a better shot overall. We came from an older society where men and women had to be equals to survive. Women had to know how to shoe a horse and brand calves, and men had to know how to make dinner and clean house. There was never a doubt in my mind I could do or be in any occupation. My gender has nothing to do with my ability for accomplishments.

So, I went to South America. I rode horses, earned degrees, called out a few Vice Presidents at major companies, and was even a professional ballroom dancer for a while. I hike, train oxen, tramp through the woods on my own, work on my vehicles, shear, shoot, and I’ve even been known to wrangle a few orphaned calves. I can do anything.

And this, ladies, is the part some of you will dislike. Just because I can do it, doesn’t mean I should. In addition to my accomplishments I have broken my ribs numerous times, broken four vertebrae and fractured a hip. I have bone spurs, arthritis, tendon damage. I have a permanent brain injury from one too many concussions. My left shoulder has dislocated three times and my right ankle twice. I’m missing bones in that foot, too. Everyday is pain. Sitting is painful. Walking is painful. Breathing is painful. Laying down is painful. Attitudes have consequences, especially for adventurous girls.

Am I equal in value to a man? OF COURSE! But as I’ve aged I’ve realized just because I can do anything doesn’t mean I should do everything. I simply lack the physicality to do things that men can do, and I’m a pretty robust gal. As Paul pointed out in the Christian Bible “all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial”.

At some point, overdoing physically becomes self harm. The “I can do anything” idea is dangerous without the tempering “but that doesn’t mean I should”. That holds true for everyone regardless of gender, because even in caring for ourselves physically we are all equal.

Until next time,

Craft no harm,

Moriah and the flock

Monday’s Musings: Should

Everytime the word should slides out of our mouths we undermind our own personal authority in our lives and give that athourity to insecurity.

close up court courthouse hammer
Photo by Pixabay

I should have eaten more veggies today and stuck to my weight watcher’s points better.

I should be a mother and a wife.

I should wipe my shoes off every time I wear them.

I should…

I should…

Stop judging myself?

It’s so easy to should ourselves, judge ourselves out of the joy life holds. We are not called to judge ourselves. We are called to accept and allow ourselves to become who we will become. Everytime the word should slides out of our mouths we undermind our own personal authority in our lives and give that athourity to insecurity.

Friends, “should” is a damning word. The Christian scriptures say that by the measure you judge, or “should”, by that measure will you be judged. You are your own judge in so many areas of life. You are also your own jury and the executioner of your innate potential.

I challenge you to a small, yet life changing, challenge. Drop the word “should” from your vocabulary with yourself and with others, especially your family and lover. Just experiment with it, and see what happens in your heart and mind.

Until next time,

Craft no harm,

Moriah

 

Monday’s Musings: The Cult of Positivity

Wait, are emotions negative or positive? Doesn’t that denote a “right” and a “wrong” with emotions?

hand.jpgBeing positive is good. We need to look on the brighter side in a gloomy situation. It’s something that can be a valuable survival skill in stressful times. However, I’ve noticed something dark and sinister lurking in the cult of positivity. It looks like an angel, like hope, like a way out of negative emotions.

Wait, are emotions negative or positive? Doesn’t that denote a “right” and a “wrong” with emotions? Hum…. No. The answer is no. The great poet Gibran said,

“your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self same well from which your laughter rises was often time filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy it can contain.”

There are no right or wrong emotions. So often when we have a difficult or unpleasant emotion arise we fight it. We send it away. We tell ourselves certain feelings are invalid. That’s invalidating your core self, you soul, your emotional well being, and ultimately the human experience.

The challenge in today’s society is to sit with our negative emotions, to recognize them, and to accept those feelings without being consumed by those feelings or passing judgment. If you are feeling grief, then feel your grief so that when you remerge into life the joy of living fills your cup fuller. When you are feeling anger, accept that part of you that feels violated and indignant so that when peace comes you recognize her sweetness. When you are worried or concerned explore the reasons and rationality so that you may prepare in balance for the future.

When we allow our emotions to simply be we experience the breathe and depth of living. I can’t think of anything more fulfilling or “positive” than that.

Until next time,

Craft no harm

Moriah

 

Monday’s Musings: Saying “NO”

 

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Sunset over Serenity Cove

I’m finally over my back injury, thankfully. Spring is here almost and the yearly push to do is starting. In years past I’ve taken on more than I should. It’s easy to learn boundaries and saying “no” to other people’s demands. But that’s not so easy to say to yourself sometimes.

 

For several years I’ve started a garden during lambing and shearing season. I’m also usually out selling early produce, eggs, jam, honey, and other items this time of year at the farmer’s market. It’s busy. But last year I drove my health into the ground. I had an accident that led to internal injuries and an infected organ. I kept pushing. Lambi was ill, and I was up checking on her all hours of the night. I put in a garden, pushed through the early farmer’s market season, pushed myself training my ox, milking, managing and working cattle, etc. By June I was exhausted. I’m not a girl of twenty five, or even thirty five anymore, but I was determined to meet my short term goals.

It’s so easy to do that in life. We jump into something full force and don’t pace ourselves for the long haul. We use gusto instead of technique and consistency. Too often we are the hare and not the tortoise. This year, I’m the tortoise. Shearing, wool, teaching, and writing are my focus. Why? because long term that’s what brings me joy. Long term, that joy and passion bring my success. This year I’m saying “NO” to my little short term goals that don’t align with my long term goals. It’s not easy. I enjoy many of my short term endeavors. But ultimately, they don’t create the life I am intentionally creating.

I challenge you to look at the long term effects of your short term goals. Are you being the hare? Are you wearing yourself out mentally, physically, or emotionally following a path that cares for the moment and not for your life? It’s tough to admit sometimes that what we give our energy to isn’t working. But in the end, having the energy to care for our lives is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves, and for those we love.

In all you do craft no harm,

Moriah

 

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Same sunset from the ridge

 

 

Monday’s Musings: Intention and Failure

The key is leave our hesitation and self doubt behind.

There’s an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where a character, Data, does everything “right”, with the best intentions, and still fails. While he’s moping in his quarters, questioning himself, his job performance, and goals, his captain, Picard, comes to speak to him. Picard tells Data that even when we do our best with the most noble intention, take every precaution, we sometimes fail. The key is leave our hesitation and self doubt behind. I love that scene.

So often we become emotionally entangled in what we perceive as our failures. We become focused on results. We cease to first exam our intention. We become wrapped up in self doubt and we hesitate to live our highest ideals. We become stagnant, putrid in our own self rejection.

By examing intention before planning or acting we expand our definition of success, and the human experience. If our intention is kindness, mercy, justice, the betterment of society, and wellbeing towards ourselves and others then we are less apt to judge ourselves as failures. We become more mindful of our plans and actions. We measure success not in a promotion or high paying job, but in lives transformed, a kind word, a smile. We measure our success in leaving self doubt and hesitation behind. In short, when we live by pure intention first, our plans may not happen how we desire, but we succeed in living a full and meaningful life.

Until next time,

Craft no harm,

Moriah

Monday’s Musings: Quiet Time and Balance

My family has a wonderful tradition of easing into the morning. We get up, lounge in our house clothes, drink coffee, plan the day, pray, meditate, read, and linger in the stillness. Of course, this necessitates early rising, but it’s well worth it. Four a.m. is a wonderful time.

We also have a tradition of the mid day nap. Now, I’m not big on the napping part, but I am becoming a fan of the restful part as I slowly begin to age. We also wind down and relax before sleep. We chat, read, meditate, or in my case journal and listen to music while reflecting on the day.

You’re probably thinking we don’t get much done. Quite the opposite is true. Or that farm life must be exhausting and boring. It can be tough occasionally, but not really harsh. And farm life is never boring. No, my family has self care built into its fabric. This self care carries over into other areas.

It’s so easy to over extend ourselves into exhaustion, frustration, and self harm. We become tired, short tempered, and we slowly begin to compromise ourselves. This leads to compromises in how we interact with others, our work, and ultimately our life goals and dreams.

These past few weeks have been tough weeks. The freezes meant hauling water by hand, gallon after gallon to the animals. Now that it’s warm we are hauling tons of manure to the garden one wheelbarrow load at a time. My tablet’s power port broke. I have been staving off the flu going around and my body needed extra rest. I could have pushed myself into heroic self sacrifice mode, fixed the tablet, stayed up late writing and filming. But I chose a different path.

You see, I can’t live a life of kindness and integrity while denying myself kindness through self care, nor can I practice self care while ignoring my core responsibilities. Our culture seems bent on two conflicting modes at one time.

One is a never ending drive to produce. Our cell phones are constantly attached, we respond to emails and messages at every hour of the night and day, we work late, need overtime, and just can’t seem to turn off work and enjoy our relationships and time.

The other mode is play mode. We become so wrapped up in pleasure and rest that we end up just as burnt out emotionally as when we over extend ourselves. We sleep in, lounge to the point of ignoring responsibility, and act without consciousness towards others. To me, this also is self harm.

The challenge is to become mindful of work and play. To be within the moment while still practicing compassionate awareness of ourselves and others. To care for ourselves, to play, and to be productive with balance. It’s a choice, a habit of cultivating self directed kindness each day before we head into the world.

Until next time,

Craft no harm,

Moriah

Monday’s Musings: Self Speech¬†

It’s been a busy Christmas day, and things are finally quiet enough to get today’s post done. Since it’s been so busy, today’s post is a quick video.

I’ll be expanding on this topic of how we talk to ourselves over the next few weeks.

Happy Christmas,

Moriah